these days

i love...

• my whole little family, but am falling more in love with our new daughter by the minute

• the way Braden loves on Elise . . . he just showers her with kisses

• the way Billy loves on Elise.  Really, is there anything better than a daddy who loves his kids? And I think the way a daddy loves his little girl is especially sweet.

• pj pants

• saying things like, "I'll wait with the kids while you park."  kids.  :)

• my own shower.  The hospital one was not great. (But oh, did it feel good to be able to shower already on Saturday morning due to toradol (don't know that wonderfulness that toradol is? read on)

• my doctor. She is awesome for many reasons. . . and I am so glad that she was actually the one to perform E's delivery. She also wrote me 12 weeks off of work - which means that I will not have to go back to school this year unless I choose to

• paternity leave.  I used to think it was not really necessary, but I am so glad Billy is able to be home with us for 2 weeks.  Especially since our daycare provider is on vacation - I am not sure how I would handle both kids right now by myself (sleep deprived, still in pain from surgery, not able to lift more than 15 pounds)

• quiet stillness at night . . . on Monday night our house was not so quiet (ahem - Elise!)  . . . although we psyched ourselves up and were prepared for another rough night last night, our dear daughter slept wonderfully -- only woke up for feedings at 10, 1, and 4 and went right to sleep after each - then slept in till around 8!)

i miss...

• toradol (the best. drug. ever.) I was given this magical pain med immediately after surgery, and wow, does it work.  My experience with this c-section vs. Braden's was vastly different in terms of pain . . . at least for the first couple of days - because of this wonder drug.  I was up and moving hours before I was the last time - and was relatively pain free.  I feel like it allowed me to really experience Elise's first hours of life so much more positively. Unfortunately, they only give it in short term dosages, so on that sad, sad, day that I got my last dose, a lot of pain returned

• the ability to get out of bed (out of a chair, etc.) without pain (see above)/with ease

• being able to dial 123 at the hospital and having a nice person bring me whatever food I desire within 30 minutes

• my regular sized feet. I didn't really have issue with swollen feet during this pregnancy, but am experiencing swelling now.  Even my lovely ted hose are not really helping (though they are oh so attractive).  I wore mary jane style keens yesterday, and when I took them off, the tops of my feet were bruised by the strap . . .

• being "out" in the world and seeing people.  I love this time with my family and wouldn't trade it for anything, but miss daily interaction with my coworkers and friends

i wish...

• time would slow down . . . how is Elise already 5 days old?!

• our new bed would arrive.  We said we'd finally buy bedroom furniture (as in a matching bed, dresser, nightstands, etc.) when we sold the old house. So we did.  And we got a king sized bed. Can't wait - for both the extra room and the new mattress

• Braden would settle in to a bedtime routine.  Before moving, we really had no trouble putting him to bed.  We didn't necessarily have a set "routine," but he went to bed (and stayed there) without issue.  These days he gets out of bed 103 times each night (and we've tried it all - a precise routine, laying with him, rewards, threats, and even spankings).  He doesn't do anything bad, just gets up and lingers in the hall outside of his room and tries to peek in our room/the living room to see what we are doing.  Add in bringing home a new sibling (who is often still "up" for a feeding), and the whole situation is kind of a mess. Today was also a rough one in terms of his general behavior . . . lots of tantrums/whining/attention seeking going on.  It's tough to know how to handle. On one hand, he is craving attention and is 3 and doesn't know how to get it appropriately.  On the other hand, he is making life miserable and needs to know that he can't get away with acting that way.  My heart breaks for him, because I know his little world has been rocked. At one point today I was trying to pump while Elise napped and was sort of "stuck" with the task at hand while B had a meltdown.  Billy disciplined B (and did just what I would have done), but as I watched I sobbed (see yesterday's post). I know this is a phase that we need to get through, but it sure isn't easy.  I am hoping that getting back into his regular daycare daytime routine (at least a few days/week) on Monday will help. 

• tv shows would be new.  What's with reruns in March?

• breastfeeding were not so much work.  At least for me.  I am really trying to stick with it this time though - if not actually breastfeeding, then pumping and using breastmilk.  I don't really think any men read this blog, but if any are - sorry if this is tmi.  Apparently with c-sections it can take longer for milk to come in.  With B it never really did.  Tonight I was able to give Elise a bottle of 100% (pumped) breastmilk.  At this rate we'll still have to supplement, but I am ok with that.

• my house would magically clean itself.  I am good at being neat (everything in its place), but do not so much enjoy the cleaning part of clean.  Especially right now when I have a baby to snuggle.

• I had something to wear.  I am tired of maternity clothes (and didn't really have that many anyway), but really don't have other options that are comfortable right now (with the incision).  Prior to getting pregnant I was kind in between sizes, so hadn't bought any new clothes in a while - thus I don't really have anything from before that works either.  So I think I will just hang out in my jammie pants.

So instead of ending like a negative Nelly, I'll close with some pictures from today at our house:

 (Is this one not just the proudest brother you ever did see?)

My view this afternoon (snuggly sleepy baby on my lap, big brother coming for more kisses, and Daddy making supper - does it get any better?):

Elise's first bath at home